6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
