are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
