Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
