This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
