It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
