I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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