Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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