dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
