VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
