fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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