I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
