That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
