Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
