you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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