Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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