we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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