He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My life is pants optional.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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