so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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