Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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