Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize