the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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