he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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