So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
