so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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