Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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