Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize