someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
