A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
