thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
