like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
