I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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