she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
