I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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