yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
