I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
