I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
