It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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