you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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