I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he just fucked me for my cheese..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
