Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
