How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
