Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize