I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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