They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
