i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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