If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I will pee on everything he values.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
