Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
