White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
