My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
