how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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