So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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