Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
is it fun? or sober?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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