I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you will always have a special place in my vag
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
