The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
