how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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