Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
