I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
