It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
