PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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