Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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