I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
