so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
honey bunches of taint.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
