I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize