Whod you bang
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
