we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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