After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
