You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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