Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think a kid would responsible me up
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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