i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
