just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
