Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
