I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
