You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
