I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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