So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
